BAT While You Were Away...

Welcome home. How was the trip?
Hope you got time to rest and rejig?
I have to admit, it was a little surprising to hear you left the country to rest in France. Obviously, a presidential campaign can be very stressful and demanding and if we consider the opinions of many of your supporters, you didn't really see the Obidient movement coming or greatly underestimated them but the race is not to best in organizing, just the one with Professor Yakubu's certificate of return.

I have to say the children of anger haven't let up though, they continue to claim you didn't win legitimately and their principal is demanding you return the certificate of return but, "ki'lọ̀mọ́dé mọ̀?" They obviously have a lot more lessons to learn. Kids these days, right?

The other part of your spokesperson's statement on your trip suggest you would travel to Saudi Arabia for the lesser Hajj, but you no show love, baba, no jpegs. This is probably why Gen-Z's don't like you. So, here's a bit of advice, going forward; jpegs or it didn't happen.

While you were away, BAT man, these children suggested you may be hiding something about your health, apparently, most people are not really sure how old you are, they claim they don't know much about you but, I don't think you should take that seriously, who doesn't know Jagaban of Borgu, builder of Lagos? These kids are too obsessed with the so called architect of modern Lagos who couldn't rig a polling unit to save his career, how will they know the builder of old Lagos? These children don't read and that's why I have suggested you build more schools and prisons. They must learn one way or another.

Finally, (I want to keep this letter short, don't want to risk stressing you. Paris is not so conducive at this time, apparently Macron is fighting with everyone. Is that why you came back early?), some rascal claim you hold dual citizenship but I told them you like àgbàdo, not guinea corn. Maybe you can clear that up and the age thing and school thing and the coke thing but, when you have time, of course.

Who should I call for journey bread?
Uncle Gbaja?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

My Life Is A Privilege.

Image
I spend the vast majority of my time alone so I have a lot of thoughts. Many times, I wonder if people unborn have access to those of us down here and what their thoughts are. I imagine an unborn looking down at a person on earth and wondering how much of a "screw up" they are. I think of them musing to themselves how well their lives would be if they had our talents, opportunities and privileges. How successful they will be if presented with a similar chance to try out as human beings. Sometimes, I wonder if they go up to God and beg for a chance to be born; "just give me half of the privilege this guy have and see how much impact I'd make" I imagine they say to the Almighty. Sometimes, I wonder if that's how some of us got here. I wonder if that's how I got here.  Life is a privilege, every waking hour is a privileged borrowed time but like every privilege, it's value and appreciation diminish with time and access. That's why some m...
Read more

Nigeria 2023: The contenders and Pretenders, Part 2.

Image
Imagine walking into a supermarket, desperate for milk and having only one store to pick from and as you scan through the aisle, you discover there are only 3 cans left, first one had expired 2 years ago, the other expired 6 months ago and the last just expired about a month ago, what do you do? Most rational people would choose the one that expired about a month ago and then try all sort of tricks to lessen the eventual damage and effect.  The scenario above is where most Nigerian voters find themselves on election day, when they pick the ballot to cast their vote. Most times, the only viable choices are just rotten to the core. A lot of people clamour for people to not sell their votes, truth is the votes have already been sold at Eagle Square. The elderly woman who collected a pack of salt and few naira notes on election day is not the one who sold Nigeria, those who traded dollars did months before she ever had a say and whether or not she takes the salt and cash, t...
Read more

God save us from the Buhari-Obi voter

Image
You may be wondering where I got the title from, well, it was inspired by American politics. When Donald J. Trump unexpectedly won the November 2016 presidential election in that country, many people who were taken unaware started traveling round the country to find out what made so many of their fellow country men and women fall for such a shallow con man and they found a bunch of voters who voted for Barack Obama 8 years earlier but switched parties and ideologies and voted for Trump. They were called the "Obama - Trump voters". Many of them sounded noble and like they genuinely loved their country but when you dig in to it and find out about the character of the two men they voted for, those voters begin to sound more like threats rather than patriots. A similar wave is brewing in Nigeria with many people who campaigned and voted for President Muhammadu Buhari all of a sudden finding a different calling and now campaigning for the Anambra businessman, former go...
Read more