Dear Mother

I always thought people who wrote letters to their departed loved ones were a little weird but considering how many times I've seen you in the 12 months since you passed, I am convinced you're going to read this.

I've always been a little weird anyway, so, here we go...

Momo,

People insist I look like you but I still don't see it. What similar features do we have? First, I've always thought you're beautiful and I'm not. Like you always say "eniyan be tan wo, mo tan ra e" (if people will deceive you, don't deceive yourself). 

I definitely don't look like you, character wise, you've always been assertive, bold, outgoing and never afraid to speak your mind. Many times I wish I had those. Of course, I like myself; I like that I'm a bit more reserved.

I think they're trying to console me when they suggest I look like you, maybe it's their way of mourning or, they just feel compelled to say something, but, I don't need consoling, I'm not sad, mostly just disappointed. 

Disappointed you didn't get to do so much more. Disappointed the world didn't get to see more of you. What a shame.

I like how much respect you command, I like that it's either "hate her" or "love her" with you, no middle grounds. I like that you're funny without even trying, I think of some of your words and actions from years ago and just laugh. You are such a character, so full of life and energy. No one could pretend you're not in the room and they still can't. 

Your story is so inspiring, it's hard to believe you only lived for 50 years. 

You did everything, ticked every box.

Worked and retired.

Started and managed several businesses. 

Relevant in church (my favourite).

Joined and led several social clubs, so effectively, I'm just beginning to realise a lot of your club mates and friends were actually way older than you. OK, maybe I see the similarities now. You left with so much valuable experience we need to navigate life. Maybe I need some consoling after all.

You're a gem, you left too soon.

How did you raise 4 boys and a girl?

People say it's hard but you hardly broke a sweat, they don't make 'em like you no more.

Should've stuck around a little more to teach this generation something. Maybe teach me something. I'm not sure I have the energy to raise 2 boys. I need constant pampering. 

The last 2 years for you were torturous though. I hated seeing you weak and tired, hated seeing you sick and in pain, it was not a sight I was used to. I never got used to it. My mother was not slim, never really needed anyone's help to get around and most certainly, never lost hope.

I couldn't imagine in a milion years, I'd see a day you won't be able to stand on your own but it came and that day, it finally dawned on me you were leaving. 

I'm sorry for not picking up the signs early enough. 

I'm sorry for always expecting you to be strong and powerful. 

I'm sorry for not checking in enough.

I'm sorry for the days you felt alone and weak.

I'm sorry for THAT night. 

I'm sorry you had to go.

Thank you for who you are.

Thank you for being so consistent. 

Thank you for teaching me to pray all those years, even when I was dozing off.

Thank you for being a champion. 

Thank you for teaching me to cook.

Thank you for teaching me never to be afraid to speak my mind.

Thank you for teaching me the ways of the Lord.

Thank you for teaching me the value of dignity and respect. 

Thank you for teaching me to be neat and disciplined, I didn't quite grab that one but, well, like I said, we are not that alike.

Thank you for being the best second born of all second borns.

We are awesome, right?

*virtual up top*

Thank you for leaving on your own terms.

See you soon.

I love you.